A Coat
A few years ago, I finally relented and allowed myself to buy a black wool dress coat that I'd been looking at for a really long time. It's a classic looking coat, something you can wear to dress up, or even with jeans. It looks great with scarves and gloves or just classically all by itself. It was expensive and I wore it every single day. At the time, it was a little roomy in the shoulders so I was able to wear sweaters or bulkier clothing under it. It was perfect. As I've grown accustomed to eating intuitively, I've realized that my coat will go into the closet this winter, having grown too tight in my shoulders and bust area. I've lamented this a great deal and even mourned the loss of a wonderful winter of wearing my perfect wool coat that goes with everything. I feel punished as though the amazing work I've done on my spirit has come at a great cost. Today, I decided that if I am to truly travel the road I am upon, and fully arrive at the destination of loving myself, then I need to start now. When I show my children I love them, I buy them the things that they need and desire. I lavish upon them a host of understanding, empathy, forgiveness and acceptance. If I show myself love, don't I need to do these things also? Is depriving myself, and even punishing myself, for a step that has brought me so much peace really showing that I love myself? I have decided that the size of this beautiful coat does not matter to me. It is how I feel when I wear the coat. I feel warm, protected, beautiful and whole - funny that I'm talking about a coat here but of all my clothing, I believe that I love my coat the most. I have decided today that I will take a step I never thought I would take. I will buy a new coat in a new size and show, through actions, that loving myself is more important than body shape. How are you showing yourself a lack of love?
